Wedding planner Joyce Scardina Becker has a simple system for compiling wedding guest lists. Divide people into three categories: yes, maybe and no.
“‘Yes' includes parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, plus friends you see often,” said Becker, president of Events of Distinction in California. “‘Maybe' means relatives you see occasionally, new friends, neighbors and co-workers. ‘No' includes distant relatives and old friends you rarely see.”
Your budget and venue will dictate whether you get beyond the yeses or maybes, she said.
Following are some do's and don'ts.
Do:
• Invite true friends, not people you feel obligated to invite.
• Compile the guest list together.
• Discuss the list with both sets of parents if they're paying for the wedding.
• Start early to allow for changes.
• Overinvite. Wedding venues suggest you invite 10 percent more guests than you can accommodate to allow for no's. The exception is the very small wedding, where an exact head count matters.
• Allow single guests 18 or older to bring a date.
• Say “adults only” on the invitation if you do not want children at your wedding.
• If your partner has a large family, accept his larger list.
• Handle each guest list faux pas individually. If you can, ask a close relative to handle the calls.
• Be forthright with those you haven't invited, notes TheKnot.com wedding website. If someone you did not invite says, “I can't wait to come to your wedding,” reply with, “We'd love to invite everyone, but, with our venue and budget, we cannot.”
Don't:
• Create A and B lists. Thanks to social media, the B people will quickly learn they received their invitations much later than other people did.
• Let your parents bully you, particularly if you are paying for the wedding.
• Equate your guest list with a gift solicitation list by including people you know won't come.
• Refuse to invite a parent's new partner because you don't like him or her.
• Invite people to the wedding but not the reception.
• Send online invitations.
• Share your list on social media. It may be seen by uninvited acquaintances, and it may hurt feelings.
• Assume a guest is a “yes” or “no.”
