Readers often send me collections of funny headlines, but I don't use them in my column because I can't verify their authenticity. But when a reader recently sent me photographs of actual headlines as they appeared in newspapers, I decided to break my rule.
Some headlines convey contradictions:
Parents Keep Kids Home to Protest School Closure
Meeting on Open Meetings Is Closed
Miracle Cure Kills Fifth Patient
Total Lunar Eclipse Will Be Broadcast Live on Radio
Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives New Attorney
Others state the obvious:
Bridges Help People Cross Rivers
Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons
Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police
Starvation Can Cause Health Hazards
Hospitals Resort to Hiring Doctors
Bugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying Bugs
Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25
Others exemplify the problem they describe:
Illiteracy an Obstable, Study Finds
Rally Against Apathy Draws Small Crowd
Missippi's Literacy Program Shows Improvement
Others contain, well, double meanings:
The Bra Celebrates a Pair of Historic Milestones
Marijuana Issue Sent to Joint Committee
Now that you've had your fun, see whether you can find the grammatical or usage errors in these headlines sent to me by readers:
• Truck Hits Tresses, Sending Part of Structure Into River: (Tom Weston, Storrs, Conn.) A hair-raising experience! (Trusses)
• Robber Scoops Up Cash and Bolts From Store: A Home Depot? (Douglas Cooper, Princeton, N.J.)
• Dogs Rain Supreme in Battle Over Patriotism: (Emma Anderson, Yardley, Pa.) And cats, too? (Reign)
• Food Festival to Wet Appetites in Hebron: Soggy sandwiches? (Patricia Palmer, Mansfield Center, Conn.) (Whet)
• Army to Give Exception, Allowing Sikh's Turbine: A powerful guy! (Elsa Bullock, Bristol, Conn.) (Turban)
• Selectmen's Stand on Sludge Softening: Too much information! (Jane Bensche, Manchester, Conn.)
• US Hockey Team Makes Short Work of Fins: (Mark Lander, Old Lyme, Conn.) Did their team dinner serve fish? (Finns)
• Canadian Rescue Plane Leaves Tripoli Empty: (Jamie Hook, Princeton, N.J.) Talk about depopulation!
