When we’re alone, we’re all weird
Have you ever watched a movie involving people in a scary, life-threatening underwater scene? Am I the only one who secretly holds his breath the entire time to see if I could have survived, too?
Humans are weird and I’m no exception. We all do strange things when we think nobody is watching — things that we keep to ourselves.
Well, most of us keep it a secret.
But I can’t be the only one who puts something in the microwave for one minute, then will use that minute to accomplish a task like going to the bathroom or getting the mail, knowing it’s a race against time. I end up sprinting back into the kitchen to try to stop the microwave with just one second remaining so the beep doesn’t go off. It makes me feel like a secret agent who stopped a bomb.
Judge me if you will, but I’m willing to wager that almost all of you have done at least some of these things.
Have you ever been driving alone, gotten lost, so you turned down the radio? I know I do.
Do you send an email or text, then immediately re-read it right after you send it, agonizing over its content?
Have you pulled out your phone to see what time it is, only to get distracted by a new text or message, finally putting it back in your pocket and realizing you still have no idea what time it is?
And everybody has at one time or another, whether they will admit it or not, tried to move something with their mind just to see if you have telekinetic powers.
Don’t feel ashamed if you’ve done these things. We all do them.
Just last week, I was sitting on a park bench eating lunch. I was seconds away from standing up to head back to the office when an older gentleman sat down beside me. I immediately began calculating how long I needed to remain seated before leaving so he didn’t think I left because of him. I decided to silently sing the alphabet backwards twice, figuring that would be enough time to keep from hurting this guy’s feelings. And this is a complete stranger! What’s wrong with me?
Humans are imperfect, weird beings. And I think that is exactly what makes the world interesting.
So the next time you are washing your hair and get shampoo in just one eye because you just had to open it to make sure a monster hasn’t slithered its way into the shower with you, just know that you aren’t alone.
Dave McElhinny is the North Bureau Chief with the Tribune-Review. He can be reached at email@example.com.