When the clock strikes 10 p.m. on a Friday or Saturday -- or 11 p.m. at the latest, on certain occasions -- it's time for the Malecki boys to come home.
Charlene Malecki, of Sarver, has two teenage sons -- Michael, 16, and Aaron, 13. If they are just hanging out with friends on a weekend night, their curfew is 10 p.m. If they are watching a movie that runs late, or going to a party, they might be able to stretch it until 11 p.m. Malecki says the boys are pretty cooperative about obeying their curfew, and calling if they are running late.
"I think that (curfews) are very good," says Malecki, 45. "There are too many things out there that kids can get in trouble with. I think (curfews) keep them safe and keep them grounded."
Curfews -- the time by which children must return home -- are an important parenting tool, experts say, and a way to help keep kids safe.
"The immediate goal is to minimize their risk of getting in trouble," Dr. Jon Pletcher says. He is an adolescent medicine specialist at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, with offices in Oakland, Wexford and Bethel Park. "The secondary goal is really to prepare them for independence, and teach them self-discipline, and what their own limits are.
"It's much like in the adult world: if you don't obey your work hours, what are the consequences?" Pletcher says.
What time a curfew should be set depends on the kids -- how old they are, what the norm is for their peers, and the like. Usually, curfews are given after kids enters the teen years, especially when they or their friends start driving. Often, a family's rhythms determine a curfew, says author Joanne Kimes. She wrote the book "Teenagers Suck: What to do when missed curfews, texting, and 'Mom, can I have the keys' make you miserable."
"The time you want your kid home is the time you want to go to bed," she says. "Parents don't want to stay up knowing their kids are out."
Curfews are "an excellent tool to teach responsibility," Kimes adds. She has written several other books with similar titles, including about menopause and divorce.
Kids who are resistant to curfews should remember that it's a matter of respect: If their parents were late coming home, they probably would get nervous and worried, too, Kimes says. If they have a spouse or roommate later in life, they will get worried if that person doesn't come home without calling, she says.
Curfews "teach our kids how to be responsible, respectful, productive, kind, caring human beings," Kimes says. "It's teaching them to become adults."
Kids generally comply with curfews, Pletcher says. The rules should be set on a graduated basis, with later times allowed for older teens, he says. Parents should consider when their children's friends have to be home, in order to determine the norm. If a child has to be home by 10 p.m., but friends can stay out until midnight, it can cause difficulty in a child's social life, Pletcher says.
Kimes and Pletcher agree that midnight is a good maximum cutoff point, except on special occasions, like prom.
"I don't think there's any reason to keep a teenager out past midnight," Kimes says.
"I think it really is a case-by-case basis," she adds. "You don't want the kids to miss anything. ... When it's just hanging out, I think curfew certainly should be respected."
Pletcher agrees. After midnight, "they're much more likely to be somewhere they shouldn't be," he says.
Parents shouldn't be so rigid and strict, Pletcher and Kimes say. If a child is speeding in order to avoid being 5 minutes late, for instance, the results could be disastrous. Yet, if a child is more than slightly late -- unless he or she has called with a good excuse -- parents should enforce consequences, like losing car privileges for a day, Pletcher and Kimes say.
"I think it's important for the parent to remember they are the parents," Kimes says. "It's a matter of safety. ... Anything that comes down to safety is something that's worth fighting about.
"It's your job as a parent to enforce it," she says. "Just do it with a kind hand."
Mike Rosebosky of Calumet, Westmoreland County, says his son -- Mike, 17 -- must be home by 11 p.m. on a weekend night, and 9 p.m. on a school night. There are exceptions, like on the nights of Mike's school football games, when he might not get home until after 11 p.m.
Curfews, Rosebosky says, are a good thing.
"A teenager, even 17 or 18 years old, out after midnight?" he says. "Nothing good is going to happen if you're out after midnight."
Here are some guidelines for setting curfews for teens:
• There is no set age when you should start a curfew. But usually, you'll implement one in the teen years, when your kids start staying out later than you want them to stay out. When they start driving, it's definitely time to set limits.
• Check with your municipality to see whether it has a legal curfew; if so, obey it.
• Work on a graduated curfew system. A 17-year-old should have a later curfew than a 14-year-old, for instance.
• Don't be so rigid with curfews that arriving home at 10:02 p.m. instead of 10 p.m. results in punishment. Give children a reasonable grace period, and consider whether they intended to be home on time.
• If your child consistently violates a curfew, consider lowering the curfew as a consequence.
• Generally speaking, midnight is the latest a teen's curfew should be -- with possible exceptions, like prom or a movie that gets out late.
• Consider getting a GPS device, so you can track where your kids are.
• Tell your kids why they have a curfew, which is based out of love and concern for their safety. Don't let them talk you out of it.
• Be willing to negotiate, depending on circumstances. For instance, in exchange for staying out one hour later, your child will come home an hour early the next week.
Sources: Dr. Jon Pletcher, adolescent medicine specialist at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, and author Joanne Kimes
