The startling news that iPod headphones in close proximity to one's heart can interfere with a pacemaker should give pause to any American who owns an iPod, is fitted with a pacemaker and somehow finds it convenient to use a shirt pocket for anything other than a pen.
Luckily, most people with iPods are under 30, most people with pacemakers are over 60, and most people with shirt pockets have the good sense not to use them.
So the cross section of the population at risk for this particular medical emergency is relatively small.
And besides, people with pacemakers have far greater dangers to consider.
Like french fries.
Nevertheless, doctors with the American Heart Association say the tiny magnets in earbuds are so powerful that, potentially, they could even prevent an implanted defibrillator from delivering a lifesaving shock. Among other things, doctors advise that heart patients with defibrillators and pacemakers implanted in their chests avoid hugging people with earbuds seemingly implanted in their heads.
So perhaps a handshake would be the prudent way to greet Grandpa this Thanksgiving, Junior.
Naturally, medical news of this sort leads one to wonder about the well-being of the man with country's most famous pacemaker:
Could a pair of rogue earbuds present a clear and present danger to the nation?
Fear not, my fellow Americans. Word has it that the VP is a PC.
Literally, he's all circuit boards, microchips and hardwiring on the inside.
Having said all of that, here are a few other simple medical tips to keep in mind.
No, I'm not a doctor.
But I do have atrocious penmanship.
• Find a doctor you can trust. A good cardiologist never wears his stethoscope and his iPod at the same time, all the better to avoid a potentially tragic medical mishap.
• Do not call the Apple store if your pacemaker goes haywire, even if you still have the receipt.
• Seek a second opinion if your doctor recommends turning off your pacemaker while listening to music.
• Never stick a pen in your ear, regardless of your cardiovascular health.
• Never stick a pen behind your ear, regardless of your cardiovascular health.
It's not necessarily dangerous.
Just kind of annoying.
• While there's no scientific evidence that Bluetooth devices are linked to deadly medical conditions, that doesn't mean people won't want to kill you for wearing one all the time.
