Candidates limited only by your imagination

What political lightweights George H.W. Bush and Bob Dole couldn't pull off, Victor John Lescovitz accomplished with ease:

He beat Bill Clinton in an election.

Lescovitz, 51, a little-known Beaver County state representative, won his 13th term in the House Tuesday. He defeated Republican challenger Paul

Snatchko, 28, and, improbably enough, the former president.

Clinton didn't seek the office, which isn't at all surprising. Nothing against the fine people of Beaver, but representing Pennsylvania's 46th Legislative

District is a bit of a comedown when you've served two terms in the White House.

Clinton, though, appears in the unofficial election results, having been caught up in the time-honored tradition known as joke voting.

Joke voting occurs when a person enters the voting booth, mulls the vital importance this process plays in a democratic society, carefully considers the candidates for a particular office, then writes in Porky Pig's name.

The practice occurs everywhere, but let's focus on Beaver County's latest joke votes. Beaver's election department is thorough enough to list online every single vote -- be it for someone real or imagined, live or dead.

Receiving votes for president were, among others, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse and Jesus Christ.

Bet you've never seen those four photographed together.

For state auditor general: A talking pizza and a physician with the unfortunate name of Dr. Poop.

For state attorney general: SpongeBob SquarePants.

For state treasurer: Elmer Fudd and Toby the Wonder Dog.

For the 15th Legislative District: Tribune-Review reporter Bill Zlatos.

The 18th Congressional District was particularly competitive.

Among those getting votes were rap star/actor Snoop Dogg, Homer Simpson, Donald Trump, former baseball manager Whitey Herzog, local meteorologist Matt Moran, Burt Reynolds, ex-presidents Harry Truman and Richard Nixon, deceased Doors frontman Jim Morrison and a chimp.

Receiving votes In the 14th Legislative District were guitarist Ted Nugent, Nippy the Cat, hypocrite priests, comedian Bob Newhart, the late funk pioneer Rick James and the animated ogre Shrek.

I'd like to write more about the pitiful disregard some people show for their vote by engaging in this admittedly occasionally amusing practice. I'd like to devote some space to emphasize there are more appropriate places for jokes than the voting booth.

Unfortunately, I appear to be rapidly approaching the end of the column.

So th-th-th-th-that's all, folks.