When Anthony G. "Tony" Canzonieri returned home from the Iraq War, his life took a dark turn.
The lifelong Valley resident even considered suicide.
After struggling with a prescription drug and alcohol addiction, a failed marriage, and unemployment, Canzonieri realized he needed help.
That's when he learned about Vets4Vets, a non-partisan peer support organization for veterans dedicated to helping Iraq and Afghanistan-era vets support one another in healing from the negative effects of service and war.
After spending an all-expenses paid weekend at a Vets4Vets sponsored retreat in San Diego, Canzonieri realized for the first time since returning home he wasn't alone.
He bonded with other veterans who were dealing with the same symptoms of adjustment disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
"Everyone has these issues when they come back. Don't feel that you are the only person having nightmares or sleeping with a weapon under your pillow," Canzonieri said. "I still jump every time I hear a door slam. Talking about it is the beginning of healing."
His experience with Vets4Vets also opened the door for a full-time position as director of the organization's southwestern Pennsylvania division.
He now gets to share his stories and struggles with other men and women experiencing the same emotions.
Canzonieri shared his story with WQED-TV for a local documentary called, "The Long Road Home."
It will premiere at 8 p.m. Thursday. The documentary, produced by Monongahela native David Solomon, features area war veterans and their ongoing struggles with PTSD.
For Canzonieri, sharing his stories with Vets4Vets and for the documentary also helped him heal from his early years growing up in a broken home.
One of four children to a single mother, he bounced between homes. He dropped out high school in ninth grade.
He wanted to do better for himself, so he got his General Equivalency Diploma and went to the Westmoreland County Community College, where he received an associate's degree in business and finance.
He was 18 when he decided to enlist in the U.S. Army.
"I wish I could say I joined the military because I was hugely patriotic, but the truth is, I was a poor kid from a poor family," Canzonieri said. "I just came out of WCCC with $5,000 student debt before I could even get a job."
He conducted his basic training in Fort Jackson, S.C. as an intelligence analyst.
He joined the 1st Cavalry Division. His highest rank was sergeant.
Canzonieri said he immediately knew he made the right decision for himself when he got to basic training.
"When I got there it was amazing how I changed from an individual only worried about myself to a selfless individual," he said. "Everything you do is for the people on your left and right. Everything is for the betterment of the team and your country."
And for the first time, he felt like he belonged to a family.
He thrived in the army, and moved his way up the ranks. He also took advantage of the military's tuition assistance program and earned two bachelors degrees. He is currently working on his masters in business administration from California University of Pennsylvania.
His unit deployed in July 2006, spending a month in Kuwait before going to Iraq.
When he got to Iraq, there was a need for soldiers with military clearances that could train Iraqi men to become police officers.
He was assigned to a police unit in Mosul as a liaison between American and Iraqi police.
He lived in the field with the Iraqi police officers. He was part of a team of eight soldiers who rotated shifts.
Canzonieri said he saw his share of violence.
"I saw more than anyone wants to see in their lifetime," he said. "My unit had casualties. Every unit had casualties."
Canzonieri remembers the first casualty from their company was a soldier who committed suicide. At the time, he, and other soldiers, though the man was weak and selfish.
"It's amazing based on what I do now, how unfairly I felt toward that soldier," he said. "What you can imagine in such a machismo environment, is the 'suck it up and drive' on attitude, and 'we don't have these problems.'
"I feel much differently now. Unfortunately it takes time to go through experiences yourself to really appreciate where they were at," he said.
He was in Mosul for six months before suffering a severe non-combat injury that required surgery and months of physical therapy. He was transferred back to Pittsburgh in 2007.
He was given a medical discharge in 2008.
Once he returned home, Canzonieri's life began to spiral out of control.
"I was happy to be home, but then I was ashamed to be happy," he said. "Then I had bad guilt. I felt like a failure because I didn't set out what I wanted to do and left those guys behind."
It was during that time he became dependent on drugs and alcohol to get through his days and long, sleepless nights.
"I would wake up in cold sweats because I couldn't find my weapon. I was having nightmares," he said.
He eventually quit drinking, but then replaced that addition with food. He gained nearly 100 pounds in one year.
"I was doing one destructive behavior to another, not really taking care of the reality of losing friends, of seeing dead bodies, and of feeling guilty and shameful for being home when everyone was still fighting," Canzonieri said.
In April 2008, he got a job as a correctional officer at the state prison in Greensburg.
But, he was released before his one year probationary period was over. He said his supervisor recognized he was dealing with many problems and encouraged him to seek help.
"In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best environment for someone trying to deal with war issues," he said. "I now realize he (the supervisor) saved me."
He said he saw a psychiatrist, but after a brief, 15-minute consultation, he left the appointment with prescriptions for more medications. He realized that wasn't the right course for treatment for him.
He began doing research online and found the Wounded Warriors Project, and the Vets4Vets organization.
The soldier admits when he first arrived at the San Diego retreat, he had no intention of talking about his problems with strangers.
He was put into a small group with decorated veterans of all ages who shared their emotional stories.
"These were all strong men. This guy I'm looking up to is hugely decorated, and had this really emotional session," he said. "I get to my turn, and I talk about things that no one else knows.
It was a life changing moment for him.
"At the end of the weekend, I had 42 new best friends," he said.
He has a 2-year-old son, Dominic.
When he returned home a few weeks later, he went to the Pa. Career Link for job assistance.
As it turned out, the Vets4Vets program was looking to begin a branch in this area.
He now hosts retreats in this area for veterans. He said the retreats are free for all veterans.
For Canzonieri, he now has a new lease on life.
"I've come to realize I'm never going to be the same person I was when I left (Iraq)," he said. "And that's OK. It's a new normal.
He now sees a new psychiatrist every three months.
He wants other veterans to not be ashamed of seeking help. He feels there is still a stigma among veterans to not talk about the emotional toll war has on them, but feels Vets4Vets is helping break down those barriers.
"I've been the alcoholic veteran. I've been the homeless veteran. I've been the divorced veteran. I can talk to them because I've been there," he said.
Canzonieri said his journey has also led him to be a better father to his 2 ⢠year old son, Dominic.
"I want him to have the stable environment I never had," he said.
For more information about the Vets4Vets, go to www.vets4vets.us , or call (724) 219-3948.
