You’re stranded on Stress Street, and AAA doesn’t make this type of service call.

It’s not your fault. These are tumultuous times. Wall Street is in a panic, large banks are failing and your current 401(k) balance probably couldn’t buy you a Snickers bar.

To top it off, one vice presidential candidate has simple sentence construction issues. The other thinks FDR had HBO. One of them soon will be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

No wonder you’re anxious.

You probably lie awake at night in sweat-soaked semi-slumber wondering how to calm your frayed nerves.

You probably wonder if an induced state of suggestibility can make you less panic-stricken over the prospect of spending your golden years subsisting primarily on homegrown cabbage.

Suggestibility experts suggest that it can.

“Hypnosis is actually a terrific way to reduce stress and get control of your breathing,” said John Weir, president of the Hypnosis Center for Motivation and Habit Management in West Mifflin.

That’s good for the short term. But if the economy continues to tank, could hypnosis help those who aren’t necessarily fond of cabbage make it a significant part of their daily diet?

Weir paused.

“During stage shows, I’ve had people eat onions that they thought were apples,” he said, “so I guess anything is possible.”

You probably are searching for an activity that might provide a relaxing distraction from the possibility that obtaining credit for almost any purchase — home, vehicle, wicker hamper, squeaky dog toy — soon could be impossible.

You likely haven’t considered bending and flexing your body into potentially painful, intricate positions, but contortionism specialists think that might be just the relaxing distraction you need.

“With the financial markets in such disarray, everyone’s blood pressure is high,” said Lilith Bailey-Kroll, owner of Pratique Yoga in Lawrenceville. “Certain yoga postures definitely reduce anxiety, provide mental acuity and generally make you calmer.”

Certain yoga postures can result in your body being painfully locked into the pretzel position. If you don’t want to take that risk, your apprehension over your savings and investments can be momentarily quelled in other ways.

Say, with the Dogfish Head 120.

“It’s the strongest beer we sell,” said Rachel, a bashful hostess at Fat Head’s Saloon in the South Side who declined to give her last name. “It’s 22 percent alcohol. We’re only allowed to sell you one of them each time you come in.”

Ah, but there is a way around that restriction. Nothing prevents you from having another one by returning to Fat Head’s after a brief trip to, say, the hypnotist.

Do that a few times and your 401(k) balance will look much improved from all the extra zeros you’ll see.

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