The traditional greeting at the Democratic National Convention was, "Where do you teach?" On rare occasions, the greeting was modified to, "Where does your husband teach?" or "Where does your gay lover teach?"
The Democrats keep loudly proclaiming that Republicans represent only extremely white rich people, while the Democrats represent all Americans. (Bar bet: Among the four major candidates for president and vice president this year, who has the smallest net worth⢠Answer: George Bush.)
If the Democrats are a fair cross-section of America, then I guess we can stop worrying about class size. As a friend of mine points out, if the Democrat delegates represent America, then the teacher-student ratio in this country is, at worst, one teacher for every three students.
Democrats are representative of the nation only if the nation we're talking about is Brazil. For Democrats, there are only the maid and millionaires. To the extent Democrats are forced to recognize working-class white men, they call them "fascists."
To thunderous applause here in the American Taliban, billionaire Teresa Heinz Kerry, said she looks forward to a day when "women who have earned the right to be opinionated will be called smart and informed -- just as men are." It's no wonder Democrats weren't interested in liberating Afghanistan and Iraq from woman-hating Islamicist fanatics: They think real oppression of women consists of people calling Teresa "opinionated."
How did Teresa "earn" the right to be opinionated again⢠By marrying inherited wealth⢠She also boasted that the Heinz family charity, John Kerry, "earned his medals the old-fashioned way." A couple of sponges on another man's wealth might want to steer clear of using the word "earn" so much.
Despite colossal efforts by the Democrats to fake out Americans and pretend the Democrats are normal Americans who love their country, every once in a while they make a mistake and give us a "tell." The Democrats have carefully studied Americans, observed their habits and expressions, so you would think for five days the Democrats could pull off a passable impression.
Special-effects artists were working overtime. Gore was prohibited from screeching about Republicans being Nazis, and Clinton was told not to show up in a toga.
But, inevitably, they stumble, dogs start growling, and you realize these people are androids.
In a prepared speech carefully reviewed by the Democrats' Americanization team, Jimmy Carter said: "After 9/11, America stood proud." Proud⢠I believe "proud" was the last emotion most Americans were feeling after 9/11, coming in considerably behind, for example, "fighting mad," "incensed," "enraged," "humiliated" and "vengeful." It didn't occur to any of the Democrats vetting Carter's speech to cut that lineâ¢
Even as Democrats ape Republicans -- producing a platform that lyingly claims Democrats support war with Iraq, the Patriot Act and the defense of America -- the fundamental difference between Republicans and Democrats can't help slipping out: Democrats are not angry about 9/11. Sad, maybe -- sad that it didn't happen on Clinton's watch so his legacy would be more than a semen stain. But they're not angry.
Indeed, the belle of the ball at the convention is noted patriot Michael Moore, who apparently thinks Americans who voted for George Bush deserved to be killed on 9/11. The day of the attack, Moore wrote this on his Web page: "Many families have been devastated tonight. This is just not right. They did not deserve to die. If someone did this to get back at Bush, then they did so by killing thousands of people who DID NOT VOTE for him! Boston, New York, D.C. and the planes' destination of California -- these were places that voted AGAINST Bush!" Perhaps Moore could provide the terrorists with a map of the red states before the next attack.
Moore's only concession to the Democrats' role-playing is to deny that he is a Democrat, hoping enough Americans were taught by public school teachers that no one will know how to look up Moore's voter registration card. ("Democrat.")
Moore says Bush must be defeated because Bush lied about the war in Iraq. Ninety-three percent of the delegates agree with him, saying they oppose the war in Iraq, according to a New York Times/CBS News poll.
But the Democrats' candidates for president and vice president both voted for war with Iraq. Their party platform supports the war with Iraq.
The only "issues" Democrats dare discuss publicly are the things everyone can agree on: They are for "jobs," a good economy and the middle class.
The issues on which the parties differ are: pre-emptive attacks on terror-producing nations, gay marriage, gun control, partial-birth abortion, taxes, letting non-citizens and felons vote. But the Democrats won't talk about those issues. This was the Democrats' week to make-believe they are Republicans for the folks watching at home on TV.
