An attractive table setting in an empty, darkened storeroom in the Washington Mall, Washington, Pa., is designed to spread the grim message that domestic violence can lead to death.
The exhibit was set up by the Washington Women's Shelter Inc., to call attention to this crime in conjunction with the national observance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
According to Chrysia Melnyk, the shelter's community education/prevention coordinator, the display is titled "An Empty Place at the Table," a memorial that commemorates domestic violence deaths. "The display," she explained, "begun in 1993 by the Women's Resource Center in Scranton, illustrates the devastation caused by domestic violence to surviving family members, friends and the community.
"Family members were asked to share information about their loved one and contribute personalized place settings, which are displayed at our 'An Empty Place at the Table.' Also included is an empty place setting that signifies how domestic violence literally leaves an empty place at the table, as well as to mark the hole in the lives of surviving family members and friends."
"Our table," she continued, "remembers Mark Donahoo, Rhonda Furmanek Patterson, Shelley Smitley-Snyder, Bonnie Jean Nice and her boyfriend, Ed Grim -- all Washington and Greene County individuals who were killed as a result of domestic violence over the years."
It is noted in the organization's fall publication, Empower, that in 2003, 124 domestic violence incidents resulted in 162 deaths in Pennsylvania.
Melnyk said domestic violence is a problem not only in the state, but worldwide. "And," she emphasized, "it is most definitely a growing problem. There have been more murders this year at this time than last year, so it is definitely more prevalent than in the past. Since Sept. 30, 2003, there have been three domestic violence-related murders in the area -- one in Greene County and two in Allegheny County. And then there is the anonymous place setting at the table which remembers all the victims who have died through domestic violence who we don't know their names."
"Domestic violence," she explained, "is when one person attempts to control another person in a relationship -- there is an imbalance of power, it's not equality. The abuser, male or female, uses whatever means they feel that is appropriate to make the other person do what they want, and those means may vary from physical violence, economic or sexual abuse to verbal or emotional abuse. They can just use one at a time or they can use them in conjunction to control."
As for the first signs of an abusive relationship, Melnyk said it follows no exact pattern. "It can start out with name calling or just as simple as shoving or pinching. None starts out the same, but usually it starts out minor and then escalates as time goes on, leading to physical abuse and, yes, even death.
"We get a lot of calls from women who have been or are being abused and don't know what to do, so we try to come up with a safe plan so that they can leave the home and their abuser. One of the most dangerous times for the abused is after they leave their relationship, so we help them figure out a safe way to do that for themselves as well as their children."
The Washington Women's Shelter Inc., with business offices in the Trust Building located on Main Street in Washington and across the street from the Washington County Courthouse, sponsors a shelter home at a confidential location. The shelter office for Greene County is located at 100 High St., Waynesburg.
"We actually just celebrated our 20th anniversary," Melnyk said, "and in the past two decades records show the Washington Women's Shelter received more than 35,000 domestic violence-related hot line calls; provided more than 61,000 nights of shelter to women and their children; provided more than 81,000 hours of counseling; and provided services for more than 25,000 unduplicated domestic violence victims, children and significant others."
Another growing figure are the calls being received from those of high school age. "We are getting more and more calls relating to dating violence, and again it's all related to control. There is no age barrier when it comes to abuse, but, whatever age, call us and we will try to help," Melnyk assured.
The telephone number for the Washington Women's Shelter hot line is 724-223-9190 or 800-791-4000. The Washington County business office phone number is 724-223-5477 and for Greene County the number is 724-852-2463.
A program staff member, according to Michelle Robinson-Ritter, the organization's executive director, can provide additional information about available services, volunteer opportunities, and ways to help stop the crime of domestic violence.
"Domestic Violence Awareness Month is receiving federal recognition, not just in our county," she noted. "As a matter of fact, 2004 also marks the 10th anniversary of the national Violence Against Women Act and here, locally, today, we have our 'Empty Place at the Table' exhibit. It's sad, but true, we are sure it (domestic violence) will continue to grow."
Asked if she had a word of advice to someone in an abusive relationship, Melnyk said simply, "Break the silence -- talk to people, tell them what's going on. There are people out there who care. And to the people that someone tells them they are in an abusive relationship or you suspect, listen and do something, don't just ignore it. Don't say it's just between them, because it's not -- domestic violence involves everyone. We all need to do something to break the silence and help stop the abuse."
