https://archive.triblive.com/news/fathers-put-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place/
Father's put between a rock and a hard place
Question: My bonus daughter, age 14, came to live with us for the school year. Her mom has agreed to let her stay on for a second school year as long as my husband continues to pay child support. My husband has another daughter, age 11, who lives with her mother. I don't think my husband should have to continue paying her for the child living with us. We pay for everything for her up here, and the mom doesn't pitch in at all. My husband is afraid the mom will take the child away if he doesn't want to pay her anymore. What can we do? Answer: We aren't attorneys, so we can't advise you legally, but it is our understanding that child support is calculated by a computer program influenced by things such as both parents' individual incomes and the percentage of time the child lives with each parent. In your situation, the ex isn't necessarily a money-grubbing lunatic. Many times this sort of agreement is put in place because the ex has planned a life around the money received each month, and if anything changes, he or she might lose the family home. And, yes, we know that child support is for the child -- but three-bedroom homes cost more than two-bedroom homes. If one child goes to live with you, the cost of the home her mother and sibling continue to live in does not change. Mom most likely wanted to offer stability to the child who stayed, so she agreed to the change in placement based on the fact that she and the remaining sibling don't have to move. This isn't necessarily fair or legal, but it is reality. You could fight it, but if Mom loses that income and she and the remaining sibling are forced to move, the animosity created might not be worth the cost of a court battle. So being angry that you pay for everything is really just a waste of time. Dad sees these payments as a way to have his daughter live with him. Without documentation, however, he is left vulnerable. We suggest that he and his ex employ a mediator to help them reach a new financial agreement and then document the change in placement so he no longer fears losing his daughter. He's between a rock and a hard place. Empathy for his position will go further than anger at the injustice. Jann Blackstone-Ford, M.A., and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, authors of "Ex-Etiquette for Parents," are the founders of Bonus Families . You can reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com .
Copyright ©2025— Trib Total Media, LLC (TribLIVE.com)