At age 14, Lauren Nicastro has entered the world of romantic feelings and their downside: heartbreak.

During the summer before eighth grade, Lauren experienced her first kiss with a boy. She was crazy about him, but then he met someone else and broke up with Lauren. She was crushed.

"We hung out every day, and I felt like we were dating for years, but it was only for two weeks," says Lauren, of Lower Burrell. "I think I just fell head over heels for him. ... Even though I don't talk to him anymore, I always have that on my mind. You never know, he might text me someday."

Going from child to adolescent is an intense part of life that brings a rush of new, adult feelings, particularly romantic feelings. The excitement of getting crushes and dating for the first time, though, brings a downside: when that boy or girl rejects the teenager, the pain is intense. The heartache sometimes might be more intense with a teen than an adult, who has the perspective of experience and knows that life will go on and bring new relationships, experts say.

"The feelings are so intense, and that sense of rejection is real," says Annie Fox. She is an author, educator and online adviser for teens on her Web site, www.anniefox.com . "They can't possibly have that perspective. Like most children, they live in the moment. Teenagers are notorious for not being able to plan ahead, so they can't see ahead."

For adults, hearing their teens talk about losing their "one and only true love" seems silly and irrational, says Fox, whose books include "The Teen Survival Guide to Dating & Relating: Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along." Parents may hear their kids say that they'll be alone forever, and that no one will ever love them again. Yet experts advise parents to be compassionate, validate their kid's feelings and try to remember what it was like to be that age.

"Those old sayings -- 'There's plenty of fish in the sea, and 'You'll find someone else' -- even though they're absolutely true ... all (kids) see is how much they are suffering now," Fox says. "For parents, even though it can be funny for them ... I counsel parents to bite their tongue and stifle the giggles. (Teens) don't want their dramatic moment to be invalidated."

Maura Paczan, the lead psychologist for the Pine-Richland School District, says teens have a range of responses to romantic breakups and rejection. Some feel a sense of relief about ending a relationship, and are at peace with it. Some teens, though, sink into despair and hopelessness.

"They feel it's the end of the world," says Paczan. "Some can end up hurting themselves."

Toni Ann Bielick, a guidance counselor at Greensburg Salem Middle School, constantly sees students, particularly girls, who are distraught over a romantic rejection. It reminds her of when she broke up with her boyfriend in high school and felt heartbroken. Bielick recommends that parents listen to their kids in a caring way and not pass judgment or minimize their feelings.

"Even though we, as adults, say, 'By next week, you'll forget about it,' to them, it's extremely important, and something very devastating," she says. "For a teenager with heartbreak, it's like their world has fallen apart."

Lauren Smith, 18, of Aliquippa, Beaver County, has yet to experience a full romantic breakup, but she has had her share of unrequited crushes that haven't gone anywhere. Just last summer, a boy Smith was interested in was uncertain of his feelings for her.

"There wasn't a lot of reciprocation," she says. "It was hard to come to terms with that."

Now a student at College of Wooster in Ohio, Smith says her mom helped her realize that the timing probably wasn't right for a relationship, and it was for the best. Her mother encouraged her to make new friends, which was a positive experience for her.

"My mom was really encouraging me to ... let other people see my personality and who I really was," Smith says.

Stacy Nicastro, Lauren Nicastro's mom, says she tries to be compassionate and remember her own teen years, when she's comforting her daughter in her romantic heartaches.

"When you hear the stories, all of a sudden, you're kind of 16 again, and you remember that was pretty raw," says Stacy Nicastro, 48, of Lower Burrell. "It's pretty easy for a parent to look at the issues (kids) go through and trivialize them. Their world is very small at that age, but it's still their world."

Helping the heartbroken

• Listen with care and compassion -- it's the most important thing to do. Reach out to your kids, and invite them to talk about how they're feeling.

• Don't minimize your child's heartache from a breakup, no matter how trivial it seems to an adult. Don't use dismissive words, like "You'll get over it."

• Tell your children that they are lovable, and point out their good qualities. Rejection can impact their self-worth.

• Bite your tongue if you thought the boyfriend/girlfriend was no good anyway. Saying that, or a judgmental "I told you so," will only alienate a teen who still has feelings for him/her.

• Share your own experiences with being dumped as a teenager.

• Echo back what you hear: "It sounds like you're really upset," for instance.

• Let your children know that it's OK to cry and grieve.

• Encourage your kids to spend time with friends and do things they enjoy.

• Watch for warning signs that your child has become seriously depressed over the breakup: showing hopelessness, irritability, loss of interest in friends and activities, falling grades, and truancy. If you see any, seek professional help for them.

Sources: Author Annie Fox; school counselor Toni Ann Bielick; school psychologist Maura Paczan

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