Before Leah Lamonte met her husband, Samuel, through a church function, she was getting frustrated with the lack of single men she was meeting, and she was thinking about going online to search for love.
"I was kind of coming to my wit's end that summer I met my husband," says Lamonte, 28. She is a Greensburg native who lives in North Versailles. Internet dating "definitely crossed my mind. If I had made it through the summer without meeting someone, that would be my next try."
Her future husband, meanwhile, had tried eharmony and went on a few dates, but he didn't click with any of the women, Leah Lamonte says. Though the couple, who married three years ago, met the traditional way, they don't shun the electronic dating that has become so common today.
"It's really no different than being set up on a blind date," Leah Lamonte says. "... We can't just sit at home and expect someone to show up."
Is online dating the way to go in the 21st century⢠Or do the most successful relationships still happen the old-fashion way, by meeting through friends, work, church, bars, and the like⢠It all depends on individuals, experts say. Some people have horrible experiences with online dating and instead prefer set-ups by friends, while others find a grand amour through Internet dating sites and rarely meet people the conventional way.
One thing is for sure: Internet dating doesn't carry the same stigma it used to. It can result in the same loving, lasting relationship with a respectable person as other dating methods, experts say.
"I think that online dating is much more legitimate than it was even 10 years ago," says Rebecca Harvey. She is the director of the Marriage & Family Therapy program at Seton Hill University in Greensburg, and an assistant professor. "It did have an air of desperation about it, but in my experience, that has really shifted in the past few years. People used to be ashamed about saying they met someone online, but, now, that's completely changed."
One of the advantages of online dating is the number of people one can meet who they wouldn't meet in their daily lives, says Evan Marc Katz. He is a dating coach in Los Angeles, and has created an e-book and CD series with dating advice. Katz is the author of "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating," and co-author of "Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You if You Promised Not to Get Mad."
"Online dating is extraordinary," he says. "You don't go to bars when you are 45 and have two kids, or work in an office with four other women who are all married.
"To me, online dating is the best game in town," Katz says. "There is no bar in the world that has a million people in it. You actually get to know people better prior to going on a first date with them. You have infinite choice."
Another advantage of online dating is the ability to screen people for compatibility, rather than wasting time on dates with someone who is not looking for the same type of relationship or doesn't have the same interests, Harvey and Katz say. People also have greater potential online to reach partners in a certain niche, such as fellow bikers, history lovers or Christians, Harvey says.
Brett Robinson, 47, of Crafton, met his girlfriend, Connie George of Crafton, through eharmony almost two years ago. Robinson, who had been on the site for about a month before they met, says he had some fears, and didn't know what to expect. But he says he is grateful for the online dating method.
"I liked it better because it cuts through the game playing, and you communicate more right off the bat," Robinson says. "Especially with eharmony, it eliminates people that you don't have anything in common with."
Yet, the online world definitely has its drawbacks, Katz and Harvey say. For some people, Internet dating feels impersonal -- like shopping for a car -- rather than the feeling of comfort that comes from meeting someone that a friend knows. But meeting through friends can give someone a false sense of security, Harvey says, because the friend doing the introduction may not know the other person that well. In the online world, people face much more competition and rejection, because so many people are using the websites and contacting the same people, Katz says.
Another problem with the Internet is the anonymity and security issues with potential predators, Harvey says.
"You do have to be careful," she says. "People can say they are anybody online."
Yet people misrepresenting themselves online -- for instance, married men posing as bachelors -- is not a problem unique to virtual dating, Harvey and Katz say. A man or woman one meets in person could slip a wedding band off a finger.
For love seekers wondering where they will find their mates, no one answer is right, Katz says. It depends on the person and the circumstance. But people should be open to doing whatever they are not already doing in order to find someone.
"I don't believe in better or worse," Katz says. "I believe in effective versus ineffective."
If you are meeting eligible dating partners through traditional means -- friends, church, work -- then, wonderful. But if not, it's time to try something else, like online dating, he says. If Internet dating sites aren't producing any results and don't feel right, then branch out and try more traditional methods. "Whatever works," Katz says.
17 percent of couples who married in the past three years met online.
8 percent of couples met at bars, clubs and other social events.
38 percent of couples who married in the last year met through work or school.
27 percent met through friends and family.
Source: A study on match.com released in April
