The suds sippers are not yet in full revolt.
But there are growing indications of their dissatisfaction of the arcane, asinine laws regulating beer sales in Pennsylvania. Steve Klein, the owner Save-Mor Beer & Pop Warehouse in Squirrel Hill, please provide the evidence.
"We got over 900 signatures here in a little over a week," said Klein, 44, of Plum. "I thought the response was terrific, phenomenal."
He was referring to a petition circulated by the Malt Beverage Distributors of Pennsylvania calling for distributors to be permitted to sell six- and 12-packs of beer.
If it strikes you as strange that distributors can't sell beer in quantities smaller than cases, it should. That makes about as much sense as supermarket chains being unable to sell toilet tissue in anything less than a 12-roll package.
("You only need a four-pack of Charmin?" the Shop & Save customer service clerk might say. "Sorry, you'll have to go to Cogo's.")
Review the following and see if it isn't apparent that the Mad Hatter of Alice in Wonderland fame authored state liquor laws:
• Distributors can sell beer only by the case.
• Bars and delis can sell six- and 12-packs, but not by the case.
• Groceries can only sell beer under conditions that include having an on-site restaurant.
There's even more lunacy in the laws regulating alcoholic beverages and the retailers that carry them. More evidence, please, Mr. Klein.
"I can sell orange juice and coffee, but not milk," he said. "I can carry cookies and crackers, but not bread. I can rent you a beer tap, but I'm not allowed to sell you one."
If you wonder how the Mad Hatter obtained the statutory authority to craft such straitjacket-worthy legislation, I believe he once was a Cumberland County state representative.
Petitions from hundreds of distributorships were still being returned to Malt Beverage Distributors Association headquarters in Philadelphia last week, so the total number of signatures collected was unavailable.
But association President Dave Shipula said copies of the petitions will be forwarded to state legislators, who actually would have to alter existing law to permit distributors to sell in smaller quantities.
"We want to show them that a large number of customers want the option of being able to buy six-packs or 12-packs at their distributors," said Shipula, who runs a Wilkes-Barre beer outlet.
Count Bob Schafer, 63, of Duquesne among that group.
Buying a case of beer at Save-Mor, Schafer would like to see Pennsylvania consumers enjoy some of the same beer purchasing freedoms that exist in his native Ohio.
"What difference does it make if I want to buy a six-pack or a 30-pack?" he said. "What difference does it make where I get it⢠I should be able to buy it in a bar, in a (distributorship), a supermarket or a hardware store if I want."
He was being facetious with that last suggestion, but you undoubtedly got the point. If only state lawmakers would follow suit.
