Fans of Charles Dickens' classic tale “A Christmas Carol” already know plenty about Ebenezer Scrooge. He's a penny-pinching, charity-loathing, employee-abusing curmudgeon with a heart of coal.
That is, of course, until three spirits show him the error of his ways when they teach him the true meaning of Christmas in a tale beloved by generations.
But what else lies beneath that icy exterior? Who is the man underneath the top hat? What are his hobbies, other than making life miserable for the Cratchits? What makes him fume, other than overspending?
When Scrooge made his annual stop in Pittsburgh this month to star in the CLO's “A Musical Christmas Carol” at the Byham Theater, we here at the Tribune-Review decided to learn more about the infamous miser. In a shocking show of generosity, the man himself managed to find time to answer some of our questions.
The star who would play me in the movie version of my life:
Now that I have been educated on the ways of the world in 2014, I must say that Tom Atkins fellow is quite dashing.
Childhood hero:
The one and only Jacob Marley. He saw my potential and made me the man I am today.
The superpower I wish I had in real life:
The power to predict the stock market, of course
Favorite season:
Any day but Christmas day. A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every 25th of December. Humbug!
Favorite ethnic food:
There is quite simply nothing like hot gruel on a cold day, I always say. Though I have heard stories something called a pierogi, by which I am quite intrigued.
The song I want played at my funeral:
I'm not sure what a Puff Daddy is, but I do enjoy that melody “It's All About the Benjamins.”
Celebrity crush:
Queen Victoria, of course. Saucy minx.
Favorite guilty pleasure:
Throwing an extra coal on the fire and counting the number of gold sovereigns in my money box is among my life's greatest pleasures. (Also, I might be known to sing that Nat King Cole fella's “The Christmas Song” on occasion ... Shh.)
My most embarrassing junk food:
Hot gruel — it costs an entire ha'penny extra! What waste I thrust upon myself.
The most dangerous thing I've ever done:
When I was a boy, I once walked to school, uphill both ways, barefoot, in the snow.
If I could live my life as someone else, it would be:
That Bill Gates fellow. It might humble me to experience life as one of the “little people.”
Happiness is:
An extra helping of hot gruel and high ticket sales for “A Musical Christmas Carol,” of course
If I could go back, I'd tell my teenage self:
Open an IRA, you silly fool!
I wish I had more time to:
Gain interest on my savings accounts
My childhood nickname:
Scroogie McScrooge
When I was 10, I wanted to be:
Rich!
Best vacation ever:
This one! Visiting modern-day America is quite fascinating. And this city! Why, Pittsburgh must be the most glorious city of them all. Now, can you please point me to the nearest Primanti Brothers? I should quite like to meet these famous brothers and share with them my admiration for making such an economical sandwich choice. Fries on the sandwich? Pure genius.
My first job:
I once served as apprentice to Mr. Fezziwig. We called him “Solid Gold Fezziwig.” His biggest threat to his work force was “forced labor working on eating turkey, ham, roast goose and one of Mrs. Fezziwig's mince pies with spiced oranges.”
I'm deathly afraid of:
Ending up in like my dearly departed business partner, Jacob Marley. *shivers*
The last book I read:
“Grumpy Cat: A Grumpy Book”
My favorite website:
The person I'm most often mistaken for:
George Clooney. Happens all the time.
Three people I'd love to have dinner with:
Charles Dickens (such a talent!), Jacob Marley (rest his soul) and this Oprah person
Overused phrase I hate most:
“You will be haunted by three spirits.”
My personal motto:
Bah! Humbug!
I'd most like to visit:
As much as I love the chill of Pittsburgh this time of year, I once heard a story about a place called Orlando that houses a magical mouse of some kind. Above all else, I shall not be visiting Cleveland anytime soon.
People would be surprised to know that:
I secretly love the holiday season. When I arrived here, the first melody I heard was “All I Want for Christmas is You.” This Mariah Carey truly knows how to warm my heart.
The song that always gets me out on the dance floor:
Are you familiar with the tune called “Material Girl?” Of course, it is certainly too silly for me, but the message is quite extraordinary.
My most treasured fashion accessory:
My top hat. Black is the new black.
My most memorable fashion mistake:
That time I forgot my top hat at home
In high school, I was:
Captain of the football team. I believe you call it soccer. Surprised?
