Personality Test: Rabbi Stanley Savage

Had he not become a rabbi, Stanley Savage might well have done stand-up comedy in the Catskills. If you asked the rabbi for the city's oldest Orthodox Jewish Congregation, Beth Hamedrash Hagodol-Beth Jacob, to summarize God's Law, he might well answer "Anything for a Laugh."

Savage needed his sense of humor when Beth Hamedrash members were displaced from their Uptown home due to the construction for the Penguins' hockey arena. The 45-year-old building was demolished. They moved to a temporary space across the street from Duquesne University.

Ever year, Savage boards a boat with Catholic and Protestant clergy for the annual Blessing of the Fleet, an event sponsored by the Pittsburgh Safe Boating Council. He'd be the first to make a crack about walking on the water like another Jewish guy.

The star who would play me in a movie version of my life and why:

James Arness -- I fancy myself his personality, as he does mine.

Childhood hero and why:

My dad. Being a Holocaust survivor, he raised his family and was wonderful to all who knew him. He was a good husband, father and grandfather.

In five years, I'd like to:

Retire.

My favorite thing about Pittsburgh is:

My family, all of our houses of worship and the city of Pittsburgh sports communities.

If the TV is on at 2 a.m., I'm watching:

Z-z-z-z-z ... sleeping.

Three people I'd love to have dinner with:

Our secretary, Pauline Cubakovic; Rabbi Morris Sklar; and Hulk Hogan.

After a long day, I like to relax with a:

A. Martini

B. Cold beer

C. Cabernet

D. Herbal tea

E. Hot chocolate

F. Red Bull

All of them.

My quirkiest inherited trait:

Imitating my congregants and officers; mimicking famous personalities.

My best bar sport:

A. Pool

B. Darts

C. Air hockey

D. Beer pong

E. Other:

E: Hebrew Scrabble, because nobody can beat me.

My favorite sandwich, plus fixings:

Turkey, salami or Kosher corned beef, with pickles, cole slaw or potato salad.

One word my mother would use to describe me:

"Insane."

Celebrity crush:

Stephanie Watson.

The oldest thing in my refrigerator is:

Fat-free sour cream.

My required snack in a movie theater is:

Salted popcorn without butter.

When I was 10, I wanted to be:

A professional wrestler.

Musical instrument I wish I could play.

Bagpipes.

My favorite comfort food:

Fish sticks and fries.

Exercise I hate most:

Paying my income taxes.

Vegetable I won't eat:

Cauliflower.

I'm deathly afraid of:

Memories of divorce court.

If I were auditioning for "American Idol," my song would be:

"If I Were a Rich Man" from "Fiddler on the Roof," or "Hava Nagila."

The first band I saw in concert (when and where):

Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach and Orchestra at the Shaare Tora Congregation in Squirrel Hill in the 1960s.

TV marathon I could watch all day and why:

"Dr. Phil."

Favorite Pittsburgh-area landmark.

My old synagogue on Colwell Street, Pittsburgh, which was demolished for the new arena.

Saturday mornings, you'll find me:

At services in my synagogue at 709 Forbes Ave.

Best new gadget I've tried recently.

Inflatables for Corona Light beer company.

The person I'm most often mistaken for:

My younger brother from New York.

In high school, I was:

A comedian, interesting, a character.

The most famous person I ever became friends with:

Rabbi Dr. Bernard A Poupko. He was wonderful to me, my family and the children; and professionally, to me.

The movie that always makes me cry:

"E.T." and "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." I cannot see those two pictures without tears, to the end.

My most treasured fashion accessory is:

My Sabbath and holiday suits and all of my hats.

Pick one you love or hate:

A. Stripes

B. Polka dots

C. Plaid

D. Paisley

I love them all.

What you'll always find in my glove compartment:

A personalized, engraved clergy sign.

My most embarrassing junk food:

Kosher potato chips and stuffed peanut butter square pretzels.

If I weren't a rabbi, I'd be:

A professional wrestler.

The last books I read:

"Steel City Jews" by Barbara Burstin; "Krakow to Krypton: Jews and Comic Books."

It's not pizza without:

Extra cheese.

Movie I could watch every time it appears on cable:

"The Ten Commandments."

My most memorable fashion mistake:

Too many to print in this short space.

If I could live my life as someone else, it would be:

As Jimmy or Alex Rich of Rich Le Frank Clothiers; one of the Three Stooges.

My childhood nickname was:

Shia.

My first job:

Assistant to the director of the Neighborhood Youth Corps in Baltimore.

My worst job:

One summer at a private day camp.

Pick one:

• Miracle Whip

• Hellmann's Mayonnaise

Both: fat free.

My favorite cable channel:

All the sports stations.

The song that always gets me out on the dance floor and why:

"The Chicken Dance" -- it has Chasidic and English themes and makes for a lot of fun. And "Hava Nagila" -- it gets the juices flowing.

My best barroom sport:

A. Pool

B. Darts

C. Air hockey

D. Beer pong

E. Other: mixing drinks.

Life would be better without:

So much government and taxes.

If I could tour with any two bands, they would be:

Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass, and ABBA.

I never travel without my:

Prayer shawl and tefilan (boxes containing Biblical verses); driver's license; and AAA card.

People would be surprised to know that I:

Am so modest and humble and very unorganized.