Laurel: To comedian Al Bowman. Well, Mr. Bowman really isn't a comedian; he just plays one for the state House Republican Campaign Committee. He says the committee stands behind -- "in its totality" -- the signatures on the nominating petitions of state Rep. Michael Diven, R-Beechview. Those would be the petitions that contained the signatures of as many as six dead people. Mr. Diven has withdrawn from the race. Mr. Bowman, you're a riot. Lance: To the Pittsburgh Federation of Teachers. Despite the district's attempts to right-size, despite the district's projected 2007 deficit of $47 million, it rejects a contract proposal that would have, in its second year, maintained step-increases and paid its most-educated teachers with 10 years of service $73,500. That's 55 percent of the district's teachers. Other teachers whined that they're not being paid enough. Average teacher pay in Pittsburgh is $63,148. The city's median per-household income is $28,588. We doth think the teachers protest too much. Lance: To Pittsburgh City Council. It gave tentative approval to a resolution calling for an end to the state's fiscal oversight. Incredibly, the resolution, introduced by Councilwoman Twanda Carlisle, was written by Firefighters Local 1, whose contract dealings with former Pittsburgh Mayor Tom Murphy remain under federal investigation. The union had no business writing such a resolution, Ms. Carlisle had no business introducing it and City Council had no business voting on it. It should be all the ammo the state needs to stay the oversight course. Laurel: To Pittsburgh City Council. It voted this week to require home-sellers to prove that their storm runoff is not emptying into sanitary sewers. It's common sense -- rainwater rushing into sewers can overburden the sewer system, cause backups and discharge raw sewage into waterways. This has been pretty standard stuff elsewhere for years; we're glad the city is catching up with the times. Lance: To local school districts. It has become standard practice to not release details of tentative contracts with teachers unions until after those unions have voted on the contract. Which means the public -- you know, the suckers who pay for all of this -- have no idea what's in the deal until it's signed, sealed and delivered. Transparency demands that tentative contracts be shared with the public before any vote. Lance: To Mellon Financial Corp. It says it's reviewing a government-proposed settlement to end the U.S. attorney's investigation of Mellon's tax-document scandal. That's when Mellon workers destroyed 80,000 federal tax returns they were supposed to be processing; seven employees were implicated. But Mellon won't say if any other government agencies are investigating. Why not• If its position truly is to come clean on the deed, transparency would be wise. Best wishes: To the Pittsburgh Pirates. The regular season opens for the 2006 Bucs in Milwaukee on Monday. After a long string of losing seasons, the Pirates have a new field manager in Jim Tracy (who managed the Los Angeles Dodgers for the past five seasons) and, it appears, a new on-field attitude. And don't forget the All-Star Game coming to PNC Park in July. Good luck to the boys of spring.

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