Support group offers hope and help for loss

"It doesn't matter how old you get, you can always grow, you can always learn and be open to new situations."

Brad Tedrow, who is experienced in counseling and gerontology, spoke these encouraging words to a few women who gathered at the first meeting of the Hope and Help Support Group at the Center in the Woods.

The support group is designed to help people struggling with any types of loss. Participants have an opportunity to talk about losses, experiences and problems they are going through and try to develop strategies to get along better.

"The group is set up for older people, but it's open to anyone who wants to come because loss isn't limited to older people. Hopefully having different generations, they can learn some strategies from each other," said Tedrow, who will be the facilitator of the group.

The weekly support group meets 10 a.m. Fridays at the center with an emphasis on identifying and addressing problems using a holistic approach of mind, body and spirit. The group offers education, discussion and mutual support.

In addressing the group, Tedrow, who calls himself the chairman, made a point to distinguish the meeting as a support group as opposed to a therapy group. "I'm not going to be delving into your deep, dark, personal secrets," said Tedrow, adding he's not a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

After pointing out a few rules of confidentiality, courtesy and respect for other members of the group and a warning against disruptive behavior, Tedrow distributed copies of "The Serenity Prayer."

Tedrow shared the prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."

Tedrow, a Charleroi native, emphasized that a lot of coping with losses has to do with how a person chooses to react.

"The stress, the emotions you experience from different losses, it's not so much what happens, but it's your reaction to what happens. How you deal with the situation is what you can work on," he said. "We can change ourselves and the way we look at things."

Tedrow used the example of failing health, which has been one of his own personal struggles. Tedrow explained he is legally blind and has had to have a total hip replacement.

"We like to live in the perception that we have some control over lives, and we do to a certain extent, but there's a lot of things we can't control, and that really upsets us when something happens that we can't control," said Tedrow, adding when it feels like something is being taken away, we feel a loss of power.

"We want to look at the things that we can control," he said. "We don't want to get caught up in the things we can't do anymore and let that control us.

"That's where a lot of people get stuck. We try to change things that we can't change and it's very frustrating. We get angry. We lash out and we get angry in different directions that's not healthy for us," said Tedrow, adding it may create situations that are worse.

"We all have the potential to come back from the losses we experience," Tedrow said. "It's not going to bring that loss back, but we can bring ourselves to a better place of dealing with it -- a level of acceptance."

Tedrow introduced another concept of loss that can bring about acceptance and peace -- the power of forgiveness.

"If it was a sincere gesture to forgive that person for their trespasses, so to say, than that helps us. It's a healing thing for us," Tedrow said.

Tedrow told the group he hopes the participants learn from one another and share success stories and strategies that are working.

"Talking about it is the best therapy you can do," he said. "We're all in the same boat."

Tedrow, who's counseled people struggling with drug and alcohol addictions, is no stranger to the Center in the Woods.

While earning his bachelor's degree in gerontology at California University of Pennsylvania in the late 1980s and early 1990s, Tedrow worked at the center as part of his education. Tedrow also did a graduate assistantship at the center while pursuing his master's degree in counseling from Cal U.

Tedrow encourages people of all ages to come, explaining the more people, the more variety, which makes for a richer learning experience for everyone.

Program director Kristina Scott feels there's a need for the support group.

"Every day I talk to people about losses and unfortunately the older you get, the more loss you experience," said Scott, pointing out some of these losses include friends, family, spouses, pets and meaningful work experiences.

"The Hope and Help group offers a supportive environment for people to talk about the losses," she said. "It doesn't make them go away, but somebody hears them."

Scott hopes the support group will help participants find richer experiences at the center.

"As a result of the group we hope to plug people into already existing opportunities at the center," she said, explaining this could mean volunteer opportunities or increasing friendships.