According to historians of the distilling sciences, vodka was first produced from grain back in early 12th-century Russia. Or maybe it was created by farmers working the fields in Poland during the middle of the 14th. It’s a point on which scholars have been unable to agree for centuries, probably because no one familiar with this brash, clear-colored spirit can remember their last names or where they parked the car Friday night, let alone form a consensus on vodka’s origins. The former Soviet Union’s favorite inebriant may have quadrupled its market share in this country since the end of the Cold War, but one thing about vodka hasn’t changed since its invention – it has no taste. Well, vodka could be said to offer a discernible sensation on the tongue, but it’s one frightfully similar to the feeling of sucking on a gas-siphoning hose too long. That makes the recent explosion of exotic and highly popular vodkas in local bars so hard to understand. Take the world’s most popular brand, Stolichnaya. This distilling giant now offers seven varieties of this drink named for the Russian phrase “little water” perhaps in reference to attempts to imbue it with flavor. Just recently, Stolichnaya introduced Stoli Elit, a “smooth,” vodka that goes for $60 a bottle. Thanks to clever marketing strategies, vodka distilleries have taken the most blue-collar of drinks – something guzzled by grizzled members the Russian proletariat – and made it seem as sexy and exclusive as a Rolex watch. This is akin to selling Pabst Blue Ribbon in corked champagne bottles for $200 a case, but somehow, the strategy has worked like gangbusters. In response, nearly all of Stoli’s competitors have opted to expand their lines with flavored or upscale products, including vodkas that taste like lemons, peppermints, and just about anything but vodka. Granted, you can’t make a martini with bourbon or scotch, but it seems the emperor’s cocktail shaker is empty when it comes to the new upscale vodkas. For a drink whose most potent selling point is that is has no flavor, what’s the advantage of splashing out three times the normal cost for a different blend? Are customers willing to pay more in order to taste even less of vodka’s already nonexistent tang, or are we just willing to spend more money so other folks at the bar will know we can? The vodka makers know the answer to that one already. Let’s just hope the beer makers never figure it out.

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