Can Jessica Simpson really be that dumb?
The first time we met her she was young, sweet and friendly ("I don't do handshakes. I do hugs," she said when I extended my hand upon meeting her).
And yes, she was definitely hot. But was she stupid?
That was in April 1999. She had just performed a 15-minute opening set for some boy band of the week, and Record Company Friend assured me she was going to be the next big thing. She didn't say anything memorably moronic at the time, but, then again, it was clear she wouldn't be enrolling in Harvard that fall.
Now, more than four years later, seemingly everyone else in America knows her.
Not, however, as a 19-year-old trying to break into the music business, but as the 23-year-old ditz who proclaimed "I don't eat buffalo" when offered a Buffalo wing on "The Newlyweds," the MTV hit "reality" show that is following pop princess Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey of 98 Degrees fame through their first year of marriage.
I haven't seen Jessica in four years, and I doubt she'd remember me based on the two times we met. And I haven't seen her show, but I've read an awful lot about it. It turns out any viewer who needs to feel smarter and any writer who needs an analogy for "dumb" simply turns to Jessica:
"It's safe to say Jessica Simpson could have managed Game 7 better than (Boston Red Sox manager) Grady Little," ESPN columnist Bill Simmons wrote the day after the Sox lost to the New York Yankees.
"To say Duke is unsuccessful at football is like saying Jessica Simpson is dumb," a scribe at the school's student newspaper wrote last week.
Jessica just accepted an invitation to meet with Chicken of the Sea executives after asking whether she was having chicken or fish while eating the company's product on one episode. On another show she proclaimed "No, 23 is old. It's almost like 25, which is, like, almost mid-20s."
But how dumb is she⢠She has managed to take a marginal pop career and make herself a household name. Her television show long ago surpassed the ratings of MTV's other rock star reality show, "The Osbournes," and now stands as the second highest-rated cable show behind HBO's "Sex in the City."
TV critics debate whether she's really dumb, or just smart enough to play dumb for the camera. An Internet rumor is circulating that Jessica is actually a CIA operative.
Moron or marketing genius⢠Who cares⢠Jessica gets the last laugh on all her viewers -- MTV recently announced it has signed "The Newlyweds" for a second season.
