NEWS ITEM: Wal-Mart this week is debuting an experimental store geared toward upscale shoppers rather than the retailer's traditional discount-oriented consumer base. If the Plano, Texas, store proves successful, similar-style Wal-Marts may open in other locales.
"Good afternoon, sir, and welcome to Le Mart du Wal. My name is Francois, and I will be your personal shopping assistant today. Has your experience with us so far met your expectations?"
"So far, sure. I wasn't expected to be greeted by someone in a tailored suit. Oh, and the valet parking was a pleasant surprise."
"Just a new service to make your stay with us that much more enjoyable. We wouldn't want you to have to park in the mall lot's most distant fringes. If you did that, to get here you would have to walk past all the undesirables patronizing -- and please forgive my language here -- Target."
"Well, thanks, I guess."
"You're quite welcome, sir. Before you begin your product perusal, may I interest you in a complimentary beverage, some prosciutto-wrapped melon balls or a deep-tissue massage from Sasha, our in-house registered massage therapist?"
"No thanks, I'm kind of pressed for time."
"Are you sure⢠Today's complimentary drink is a Tattooed Love Goddess, made with top-shelf vodka, vanilla schnapps and Godiva liqueur. It's exquisite."
"I'm sure it is, but I'm really in a hurry."
"Very well, sir, then perhaps we should commence with your consideration of our goods for possible purchase. What might you be interested in today⢠Something from our wine cellar⢠Some Daum or Lalique designer crystal sculptures⢠A Bakhtyari hand-knotted Persian carpet, perhaps?
"Actually, I just need a pair of socks."
"Excuse me, sir ... socks?"
"Yes, just some socks."
"With all due respect sir, have you any idea what socks attract⢠Foot perspiration. Odor. Sweaty foot odor. We pride ourselves on being above the sale of such items at Le Mart du Wal."
"But that's the only thing I need."
"Then sir, I will have the valet retrieve your vehicle. If you want to buy some socks, I suggest you browse with the rest of the undesirables at -- and please forgive my language here -- Target. Henri! Please escort this gentleman to the exit."
