It was time to go.

The plug had to be pulled.

Two plugs, actually — one on the washer, one on the dryer.

The washer had been a champ. But it now was punch-drunk. What piece of machinery wouldn’t be after a 22-year run?

The tub listed to one side when filled. Its suspension shot, it banged, often ferociously, on the spin cycle.

Worst of all, it suffered from that greatest of old washer indignities — pump incontinence.

The dryer wasn’t nearly as old, barely 5 years young. It succeeded another champ that had offered faithful service for nearly a quarter century.

But the new dryer couldn’t hold a lint filter to the old after more than a few encounters of the family kind — chewing gum, heavy winter boots, more gum, maybe even a pet or two.

And given the poor shape of the drum and its bad bearing, no one would feign surprise if a bag of Sakrete had been mixed in there, too.

And so, the washer and dryer have been replaced with new, fancy-schmancy units. There are lots of electronic buttons and bells and whistles and two readout screens. It will take time to figure out how to fly these things by wire; the Airbus cockpit manual has been ordered.

Surely, though, one of those buttons retracts the landing gear. And one can only hope that another activates a beer dispenser.

­— Colin McNickle

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