Letter to the editor: ‘Lack-eys’ wanted |
Letters to the Editor

Letter to the editor: ‘Lack-eys’ wanted

Do you lack character? A backbone? Dignity? The ability to think or to check facts? A moral compass? Do you lack self-control? Then you’re a lack-ey! White House jobs now available, but hurry — there are 10 great lack-eys applying for every job!

Great training provided — here’s a peek into the syllabus:

• Sessions with Sessions — Students are publicly shamed and humiliated by Jeff Sessions. After each act of humiliation, students will attempt to stand, which should be impossible because backbones aren’t allowed. In one class, he will impersonate Mr. Magoo. Act fast as he shows partial backbone, may not last.

• Crimes in Moral Turpitude — Working one-on-one with multiple instructors including former administration officials. Lessons in money laundering and lying under oath. The instructors represent “the best of the best.” Paul Manafort and Rick Gates lead our discussion. The president may teach this class himself someday.

• Losing Self-Control: Sam Nunberg focuses on melting down under pressure. Anthony Scaramucci will lead the class in “telling it like it is.” The lesson includes ways to demean your opponents by using descriptions of seemingly anatomically impossible sex acts.

Only lack-eys without backbones will be considered. Accredited and endorsed by Trump University!

Gregory Schmidt

Bethel Park

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