I’ve neglected you. Sorry about that.

It’s been too long since I used this space to publicly respond to some of the more interesting critiques and concerns that appear in my inbox. So let’s delve into actual communiqués from actual readers:

How dare you talk about my nephew in such a derogatory manner. How dare you insinuate that he is a punk. Do you know him? Have you walked a mile in his shoes? What the hell do you think you are doing? Who the hell do you think you are that you can stir up trouble for this already troubled young man? Do you really know his history? No. YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM.

L.T.

You’re right, I don’t know your nephew. Do you know his defense attorney? If not, I can put you in touch with her. You’d make an excellent character witness for your nephew, and he certainly could use as many of those as possible.

Best of luck in beating the charges!

A very interesting article, sir. Please enjoy your breakfast of human excrement.

M.M.

A very interesting suggestion, sir, but I think I’ll just stick with my usual English muffin. Given your menu recommendation, I wonder how many of your relatives come up with a convenient excuse each year to avoid going to your house for Thanksgiving dinner.

I write to you on behalf of your inmate readership within the Department of Corrections here at (State Correctional Institution)-Fayette.

Please be advised that your approval rating is about a 50-50 split. Regretfully, a lot of my cronies misinterpret your satirical style and misconstrue your meaning, but that’s par for the course.

R.G. (Inmate number AP6877).

Thanks for the great news! My approval rating on the outside usually is much lower. Rest assured, if a compilation of my columns ever is published, I’ll hold a book-signing event in the SCI-Fayette exercise yard.

Hopefully, that happens before you are paroled.

Pennsylvania (state government) has a way of either forcing you to fit in or you will never find gainful employment again. I wrote an expose and pitched it to book agents in 2009. I had a book deal and then they moved on due to the poor economy and the fact that publishers were not taking on new writers.

L.N.

Sorry to hear about your book deal, but have you ever considered self-publication? Many writers are attempting that these days, some with great success.

If you do decide to go in this direction, might I suggest holding a book-signing in the SCI-Fayette exercise yard?

I’ve heard the inmates there are voracious readers.

Eric Heyl is a staff writerfor Trib Total Media. He can be reached at 412-320-7857 or eheyl@tribweb.com.

---

Copyright ©2026— Trib Total Media, LLC (TribLIVE.com)

---