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Tim Benz: 5 scripts for James Harrison’s big-screen acting debut

Tim Benz
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It’s been reported that former Steelers linebacker James Harrison is considering a post-football film career — a la “The Rock.”

James Harrison was on the TV show “S.W.A.T.” recently.

Now, the former Steelers linebacker is considering a post-football film career. According to ESPN.com, Harrison may be angling to be the next Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. “The Rock” made a successful transition from football, to pro wrestling, to acting.

According to ESPN’s Jeremy Fowler, Harrison is serious about this endeavor.

Will he fall asleep on his acting coach like he did with Joey Porter, though?

As Fowler’s article points out, Harrison could be a natural for action movies. If so, I’ve got some script ideas he may want to check out.


‘The Fast and the Furious 19 — McKnight Madness’

The Ross Township Police Department hires Harrison to go undercover … to bust a few of his own!

Harrison infiltrates the Steelers’ well-known pot-smoking, drag-racing underworld that terrorizes McKnight Road.

He arrests multiple members of his former team and punishes them by making them run until they puke in between pickup basketball games at L.A. Fitness.

‘A Nightmare on Hot Metal Street’

Incorporating horror and action may be a big ask for Harrison early in his acting career. But I think he has the chops to pull it off.

Harrison returns to the scene of past sins. He forces himself to once again pass out in his lounge chair in the linebackers meeting room.

While asleep, Debo confronts his greatest nightmare—watching Anthony Chickillo, Bud Dupree, and Arthur Moats play significant minutes in front of him.

The difference is, this time he gets himself onto the field by baiting his teammates away from the sideline and into the furnace room with leftover shoes from Le’Veon Bell’s locker.

‘Inferno II’

During a trip to New York City, Harrison looks across Park Avenue and sees NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s office ablaze!

It turns out, Goodell accidentally set the fire in an attempt to burn leftover Spygate tapes he discovered at the bottom of his desk drawer.

Retirement has softened Harrison’s demeanor, but not his body.

Despite his previous promise to the contrary , Harrison does — in fact — cross the street to urinate on Goodell while he is on fire.

‘Moby Dick 2019’

A modern day reboot of a classic.

Debo takes to the Ohio River to track a lifelong tormentor. No harpoon. Just a man with a snarl, a bad attitude, a custom-made AK-47 , and Le’Veon Bell’s Jet Ski.

Harrison goes on the hunt for his white whale.

Its name? Call him … Tom Brady.

‘Air Bud 48 — Ruffing the Passer’

Forget action. There is a softer side to Harrison. He’s versatile.

In the latest Disney “Buddies” franchise film, Harrison befriends a dog named Bud.

Remembering how he neglected a similar young pup years before, Harrison befriends and mentors the dog to fulfill its dream of becoming a great pass rusher.

Unfortunately, poor Bud keeps getting lost. He keeps chasing his tail in wide circles around the quarterback, but never quite gets there.

Frustrated, Harrison gives up on Bud and lets his good friend and former teammate Mike Vick adopt him.

It’s the first Disney movie on record to have an unhappy ending.

Tim Benz is a Tribune-Review staff writer. You can contact Tim at [email protected] or via Twitter @TimBenzPGH. All tweets could be reposted. All emails are subject to publication unless specified otherwise.